February 2012
28 posts
1 tag
Anonymous asked: New around here. What does your face look like?
Wheel of Fortune is my parent's favourite thing on...
Me: What do you like so much about it?
Mom: It's a game.
Dad: The suspense of what letters are up there.
Me: Ahh.
dbizzle:
I was watching the movie Sydney White on YTV and they censored out Amanda Bynes saying Santa isn’t real. It was blanked out like a swear word.
How to start a war:
Me: God, I wish Mass Effect 3 was out this week.
BF: How often do you think about it?
Me: I'd say about 40% of the time.
BF: How often do you think about me?
Me: I don't know, 20 or 25% of the time.
*Cue lasers coming out of his eyes, slicing my head off and propelling it through the car window where it gets run over by an oncoming 18-wheeler.*
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“Life is so difficult, it’s so hard. If we don’t laugh at anything, then we’re...”
– Joan Rivers (via drinkyourjuice)
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I just handed in an almost final draft of my...
I imagine this is how parents cry when their child is finally born? So happy to finally see it off a computer screen, relieved that it doesn’t have any mental disorders and glad that the person carrying it isn’t going to be complaining about achy body parts anymore.
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Cleaning off a machine at the gym:
Me: *sprays bottle the wrong way propelling cleaning solution into my eyes* Ahhhhhhh!
Old woman: Ahhhhh!
Me: Ahhhh!
Old woman: hahahahahahaha!
Me: Ughughughugh *explodes*
I woke up this morning
determined to bring a modicum of positivity to the day. For those of you who don’t know, right now I’m living in the backwoods of Nova Scotia trying to finish my master’s thesis before it finishes me.
I picked up the local newspaper, looking to find something good in this frozen armpit of a town only to find it was -25 C (that’s -13 Fahrenheit for everyone else), the...
Mmhmm mmhmm yes, exactly indeed.
If there's one group of people on this Earth I...
it’s the old, naked men at the gym who aren’t afraid to strike up a casual conversation in the locker room while their bits just hangs there. I genuinely can’t wait for the day I care so little about the state of my body and who sees it in its saggy and wrinkly glory, although I sincerely doubt I’ll get there as my soul tells me I am going to die before I turn 30.
...
What my television thinks of me based on the ads...
I need help in the feminine hygiene department.
I am very inefficient at cutting food and could benefit from a Slap Chop.
I fall and can’t get up on a regular basis (true).
I should consider a career as a medical secretary with help from my local career college.
I should think about getting life insurance before a tragedy befalls me or my family.
My catheters are dirty.
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January 2012
49 posts
I think it's a good thing texting wasn't invented...
Because you KNOW some of romance’s greatest figures couldn’t spell D-O-G if their life depended on it. And you KNOW some of those same people were grammar nazis like a lot of us and would balk at their romantic interest at the first sign of literary incompetence.
Imagine this text convo:
“Romeeoh Romeeoh whre fourarte thow Romeeo?”
“I ain’t coming. You...
“Landing your first internship can be tough without industry experience on your...”
– I want to set myself on fire.
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Is it legal to kill someone who sits directly...
Asking for a friend.
WatchFound some art.
Question:
When you finish a major project do you ever feel a strong urge to set yourself on fire, jump in front of a car or do general grave bodily harm to yourself?
I ask because I just finished a research proposal and the only thought running through my head for the past hour has been “I need to burn. I need to run though the streets like a phoenix, every apendage alight in flaming, suicidal...
“I had to talk about “my online community” at school the other day, and everyone...”
– Jarett (via drinkyourjuice)
I had to leave the room to take my puffer I got so excited.
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Anonymous asked: when you write things its super obvious when you throw something up without proofing/ take your time to edit.
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Question:
What is the correct response when an acquaintance shows you a picture of her sister’s half black baby, when you know she and her husband are white?
All I could come up with was “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
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“Aziz, barely audible over the jabbering crowd and telling jokes skewering...”
–
So this is what parties at Sundance are like. (via cheatsheet)
As I’m sure he’s saying in that still:
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Dying (a how-to)
Accidentally cut the inside of your bellybutton on a locker latch at the gym while changing your shirt.
Pick the scab off the cut every day for a week.
Watch as your bellybutton morphs into a pus filled infection that bleeds out on your white t-shirts. Worry people think you’re getting your period.
Decide to (finally) be proactive about things and put some Polysporin on it.
Watch in...